Текст песни Мария Савельева - Если бы ты знал...

"If you only knew "

I have not seen you for a long time. She learned to turn away when tears treacherously betray anguish and hide her hands in the pockets of her jacket, when they clench their fists from hopelessness. I cheerfully answer calls, communicate with people and sometimes dance when the music is fun and these are not our songs. I also work a lot, walk around the street with our memories, and even learned how to wear heels the way you wanted. Once upon a time. Everything seems to be good, but all this ... a game. Once I complained to you that I could not find a work of life, a vocation. Well, how are you. So, I found! Now I am a good actress. One role. I am afraid of long roads. Gloomy tracks merging into a monotonous picture outside the car window. Until yesterday, I was sitting in the back seat and leaning against the window, looking at a tape from uninteresting landscapes, on which you and I came to life with bright slides. We are with you. Until yesterday, these pictures warmed. It was as if I were moving into their atmosphere - again I felt my hand in your hand, I heard your voice. I once said that everything is fine in you, except for the voice. He is too soft, not sure if that. You then seem offended. Know: I miss your voice right now. According to your laughter on the other end of the wire. In your words, which I’ve been saying recently, can you imagine? Today, for the first time, I sat in the front seat, next to the driver's seat, and for the first time I closed my eyes. I do not want any more pictures, you and myself in them. Us who are no more. I ask you about two or three mutual friends with whom I maintain a rare connection. They say that everything is fine with you, you cut your hair short and even started some new relationship. I listen, I am angry to myself, scolding myself for not stopping asking about you, and there is a mask of indifference on my face. "I am pleased. I'm glad that he is doing well. And I, too ... well. ” Last word on major notes. Smile. Curtain. The role is played ... I'm lying. I hate myself for this lie. Forced. Must be strong to be happy. I want to fall in love again, somehow differently and not so much. I want to get used to life without you. I want to ... continue to love you. Let it be unrequited. I know I'm a fool. But my love for you makes me better, richer, although it flows with tears in my eyes. Or maybe I still hope you come back? I meet new men. Rather, just watching them, keeping them close. Some of them invite for coffee - and I go. To look at them and once again make sure that you are better. You were the best for me. I do not idealize, I did not get mad, on the contrary, I think soberly, abstracting from memories. Some of them are prettier, some of them are smarter and much more confident. But none of them have the eyes and hands that you had. There was a sea in your eyes, which since childhood I love most. In your hands was sincerity, which was stronger than any words, deeds. I held your hand and felt the noisy waves inside me calm down, smoothing out the sharpness, defeating doubts. And I also wanted me to have a child from you. He would have the same eyes with the sea. I write, it makes me feel better. Perhaps from the outside, these lines look like the suffering of a snotty girl. Spit. I am proud of what it was, although it was not so much. This pride, psychologists say, is "the first step to healing." I accept what was, easily let go of it, not struggling with memories. Yes, maybe it's healing. Until the end I realized. But I know one thing for sure: I miss you.

Take care of yourself.